Recently I had a door to door salesman come to my house and when he was making small talk he said something to the effect of “wow you’re my age but you have 3 kids how is that?”. The question was interesting for me because my reality was as foreign to him, as his reality was to mine.
One of the themes that I’ve revisited through the history of my posts here is that of rebirth at the point of actually giving birth. Ideas are brought to reality that previously only lived in your head. This is what i see pregnancy as from a man’s perspective at least. Simultaneous synchronicity between the death of the person you were prior to this as well as being given a gift two fold, a new life to cherish and a new life to live. The idea of death here being that you are no longer the person with the responsibilities that you had prior to this miraculous event, you have new ones.
The “ego” in this case is one of the things that if not completely removed, at least needs to be put on the back burner for a long while. I think that a balance is necessary here such that you still have an idea of self when your children no longer require your constant watch / supervision. The nuance here is not to be lost, as it is very important to remain grounded but steadfast. You must create a foundation for family in the person you choose to make the family with, after you have created offspring more vigilant than prior to this event. Without parents holding unity in mission, you have no foundation of a family unit. Many people think fiscal here which is important but not as much as being able to adapt and change. A relationship with a partner is a lot like a plant and just pouring water on it – forgetting about the root system, the nutrient needs or the requirement of sunshine dooms the plant to fail. Relationships are living breathing things when they are with living breathing people. You can’t just pour fiscal tap water on them and expect everything to go swimmingly.
Ideally the best tool going into parenting isn’t something that you read in a book but instead the idea of anti-fragility, thriving in change and dynamic environments instead of being paralyzed.