False Alarm – Nov 27 and Nov 28
It’s 4:39pm on Friday, November 27th.
We are going to go to the hospital to see if anything is going on soon. Your mom is very anxious about whether or not you are ready to come out.
4:56pm – your mom’s mom is here so we can go in the car without your two brothers.
5:04pm – actually getting in the car now. We will be using the power of AI to drive south.
5:26pm – arrived at hospital
5:36pm – in a room. Normal heart rate (i think I’m not a doctor but maybe i can pretend to be one online)
17:40 – updating to military time because I can’t be bothered with typing an am or pm
17:41 – what comes next should be seeing how ready you are to make your escape.
17:49 – your mom and the nurse are playing 20 questions 2: now with more questions. Still waiting to see where we are at on the readiness scale.
17:54 – “its Friday, it’s Friday night”
18:28 – nurse came back and said doctor is putting in orders for lab and ultrasound.
18:29 – doctor showed up, isn’t going to check because no active labor.
18:35 – sounds like we are going to get sent home if ultrasound is normal.
18:50 – your mom’s blood got drawn, ultra sound tech is in the room. Going to see you via this sound machine now
18:51 – this is actually the first time I’ve seen you on the ultrasound because of this whole kooky “virus” thing. They wouldn’t let me go to any of your mom’s appointments despite paying the insurance bill ( Very uncool)
18:52 – ultrasounds are so weird. Imagine being the guy who came up with the idea of this and everyone was probably like “get a load of this guy!”
18:55 – they put some color mode on and it looks like they are watching your heart beat which is pretty cool. This ultrasound tech isn’t very personable and isn’t talking about whatever she is looking at.
18:59 – this lady is wearing like 3 masks bro she better be safe from this virus or I’m going to write a letter to the virus’ boss and tell them that it is seriously uncool
19:00 – 11/27 is a decent day to be born because 27 is an odd number. Did you know that both of your brothers were born at 7lbs 14ozs? 7-14, Salem was born on 7/14. Never underestimate the power of numbers, especially prime numbers and the number 7.
19:02 – you sure are moving a lot when the ultrasound wand is on. Maybe we will just have to pick one of these up on Craigslist and have your aunt come over whenever your mom feels like you aren’t moving as much so she can have a piece of mind. I think the government controls regulated medical devices like this though which could make it slightly more difficult to pull off.
19:05 – ultrasound still going. I’m sure she is just being through but ultrasounds make me anxious. It’s like the technicians are decoding some ancient texts or something right before your eyes. You don’t know how to feel about what they say because it’s so foreign and abstract to untrained eyes.
19:13 – last image she says, then i guess we wait for a read from radiologist and the go ahead to go home or maybe something else. Will update when we are told what’s up. The doctor ordered a “complete ultrasound” which is why it took so long i am guessing.
19:39 – i guess it is a 2 part exam. They’re trying to get measurements but you won’t stop moving (lol get trolled labcoat)
19:58 – that was quite the show. Ultra sound tech left. Shift change happened so we will have a new nurse to talk to soon.
20:11 – new nurse says continuous heart rate for the next 20 minutes and then we will be discharged.
20:38 – new nurse checked your mom and she is at a 4, going to relay this to the doctor and see what she thinks. Maybe one hour more of observation? Time will tell. Your mom and i are very hungry so we will have to wait and see.
20:40 – we are waiting for an hour to see if you want to show up or if you are feeling a little bit more east coast (no show up) today
21:16 – i was going to upload a sound of your heart beat to be included in a beat tape in the future but i don’t know how to do it through wordpress. I recorded it anyways.
21:40 – ok nurse is back and going to check. We are exactly the same. Sounds like we are going home. It was birth or bungie and it looks like I’m gonna be EATING LET’S GOOOOO
21:42 – ok moms getting dressed. I guess you were feeling your uncle’s “non show up” vibes. That’s cool man, if i were you I’d be posted up too. Waiting on discharge papers and knowing my luck your mom’s water will break like when we walk in the door (probably not)
11/28/2020 – new day new me/you
09:30 – your mom says she is getting more contractions that are lasting longer (so much for that good night of sleep she was hoping for)
15:30 – your mom’s mom has been nice enough to hang out today while your mom tries to relax in between contractions. Your mom is in the bath right now and is saying that the contractions seem to be not occurring at a set interval. She is saying that you likely will be arriving tomorrow night but we will see how correct she is in her prediction.